


My Journey

by kbl55429



Series: The Meaning of Life [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Comfort, Hurt, Jonathan Morgenstern is a good guy in this fic, M/M, Magnus’ POV, conflicted Alec, scared Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-14 00:41:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12996063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kbl55429/pseuds/kbl55429
Summary: Magnus and Alec are dating but then life gets in the way.





	My Journey

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been in a really weird mood the past couple days, I think because it’s about to be that time of the month but anyways. I’ve been really emotional lately, I cried at the end of Guardians of the Galaxy 2 last night. So I wrote this, I’m sorry it’s sad, I cried while writing it, but don’t fret there will be another part and it will be set sometime in the future, I haven’t decided when though, but I won’t write it until this mood I’ve been in goes away because I want it to be happy for both our boys.

Alexander and I have been dating now for two years and I love him with all my heart but I can see the conflicting feelings he has. The way he looks at his best friend, Jonathan Morgenstern, I mean they’ve known each other since they were little. I could always see the way Jon looks at him, he’s in love with him and I can see the way Alec looks at Jon, especially when someone else is flirting with him. Alec looks at me the same way but never really gets as jealous when someone flirts with me.

This is why I’ve decided to let Alexander choose for himself but I can’t break up with him because I’m too selfish. This is why lying to him about where I’ve been is the best option, I know how much he values honesty. I told him I was going shopping with my mother but really I have my final interview for a job out in LA. It’s the best way for me to start over or to at least try.

So when I see Jon at the same restaurant as me I knew it was going to work out even better because Alec would always believe everything Jon says. At the end of the meeting I was so happy because I got offered the job and I immediately accepted, so after I graduate in a week I’m off to LA to start my new life. I pull out my phone and my smile immediately falls when I see the text message, I know tomorrow at school is going to be hell but I’ve prepared myself. I put on fake smile pretending I don’t see Jon and walk out the door.

The next day was hell like I prepared myself for, that morning in the quad I was confronted by Alec in front of everyone and I couldn’t help but notice out of the corner of my eye Jon standing there with a little smirk in his face. “Magnus, why did you lie to me?” I could see the pain and anger in his eyes and I knew what I was about to do next was going to break me. “Because I knew you would act like this Alexander.”

“You know what Magnus, I can’t do this anymore, you and I, we’re done.” He walks away and I try to hold back the tears, everything worked like I wanted to but I didn’t expect it to hurt like this. I blink away the tears and turn to walk away and I notice Jon glaring at me with anger in his eyes, I can tell he wants to say something but I talk before he can. All I say it, “your welcome, please take care of him.” And I see the moment he realizes why I did what I did and his eyes soften, he nods his head and says, “I will.” I walk away with tears falling from my eyes.

When I get to my, our loft after school I head straight for the whiskey and take a huge swig and walk out onto the balcony and all the memories we shared flash in my head and the tears come back and I don’t try to hold them back this time because it hurts, god it hurts and I pray that I never have to feel pain like this again. I don’t know how long it’s been but when I hear Alexander yelling my name I walk back inside and I can see the hurt in his eyes.

“Why Magnus, why did you ruin what we had on purpose, I thought you loved me.”

I slam the glass against the wall, “I did it because I love you, because I’m too selfish to let you go.” I throw myself down on the couch and he sits next to me and grabs my hand, “Magnus, please I need to know why.”

I look at him, “I love you with all my heart but I can’t be with someone who has feeling for another man.”

“Magnus, I love you, what are you talking about.” His voice coming out uncertain, even he doesn’t believe it fully.

“I know Alexander but the way you look at Jon, when you look at him but then looks at me right after, I can see the conflict in your eyes. When someone flirts with him, I can see the jealousy, it rages but when someone flirts with me it there but not as strong.” He stands up and walks onto the balcony, I walk out and stand next to him, when he turns to look at me I can see the tears falling from his eyes. I wipe them off softly with my thumb and caress his cheek to which he leans into.

“I’m so sorry Magnus, I never meant to hurt you, it’s just I don’t know anything anymore and I do love you I do, it’s just I’m so confused, is it possible to love two people at once?”

“I don’t know Alexander, but this thing with Jon, I think you deserve a chance to figure it out, so I’m letting you go.”

“What about you?” That’s my Alexander, even in the worse of times he still worried about everyone else, his selflessness is one of the things I love the most about him.

“I’ll be ok, I got a job offer in LA that I took working for the fashion magazine Edom.” He turns to me, “Alexander promise me that no matter what happens and whoever it’s with, that you’ll be happy, ok?” As the tears fall down my eyes once again, they fall from his also and he nods his head, “I promise.”

The next thing I know he throws himself into my arms and I place my nose in his neck so I can remember the smell of him one last time, the smell of sandalwood. He pulls from the hug and walks away and out of my life without looking back. It was then that my legs give out and I curl into a ball and sob into my hands. It’s where Ragnor finds me. He doesn’t say much, he just lifts me up bridal style and I curl into his neck, he put me in bed and lays next to me. I curl into him and cry some more. He doesn’t say anything, which Im grateful for, he just holds me while rubbing my back letting me cry into his shoulder until my breaths even out and I literally cry myself to sleep.

The next day Alexander comes to get his stuff while I’m out all day. The next weeks flies by and we graduate from college. We don’t talk to each other, when the ceremony was done he smiled at me and I smiled back. Ragnor, Catarina and I celebrated together that night and they inform me that their moving to LA with me, Catarina got into med school at UCLA and Ragnor doesn’t know what he’s doing he just knows that if his two best friends are moving to LA then so is he. We laugh together and it’s the first time that I have genuinely laughed all week.

Then before I know it, it’s Wednesday and it’s time for me to catch my flight to LA to begin my new life. I start my knew job on Monday, so it gives me plenty of time to get everything situated. I sold everything in our old loft because it all reminded me of Alexander, the objects can be replaced but the memories can’t but I will cherish and hold onto them forever. The two years I spent with Alexander were some of the best of my life but now it’s time to make new memories and hopefully I can mend my broken heart. I leave the keys on the kitchen counter and turn off all the lights, I close the door and walk down to the cab waiting that will take me to JFK. Before I get in I turn and look at the building I called home for the past two years, I smile and get in the cab as it drives away not looking back, keeping my eyes forward, excited for the next step in my journey.

 


End file.
